A Memorable Trip to the Doctor's Office

Today I went in for a physical. Nothing exciting there. I really wasn't thinking of all the... shall we say 'intricate details' of a medical. If I had I probably wouldn't have brought company in the form of a 3 year old. Yes the baby was there as well, but at 10 months he really could care less about what is going on. To really get a laugh you have to picture yourself in my shoes or I guess without shoes in this case.

As soon as we entered the room and the nurse pulled out the paper gown I froze in my tracks. How could I have been so foolish as to forget the medical attire or lack there of. So as I start to disrobe my 3 year old starts yelling "NO MOM! No No your girl bits! No one can see your girl bits".  I explained to him that the doctor was just going to check my scar (I had a C-section with my second child) and when the doctor came in he could watch a movie on his portable DVD player. (Luckily this was in the car and when I realized what was about to go down went and got it. Better he watch a Thomas movie then a 'horror' show live!)  He was content with that answer and went back to playing.

The doctor came in, greeted us and sat down. My son giggled grabbed my bra from under the stroller, wound up and pitched it at my doctor's head. It hit him right square in the forehead then fell onto his lap. My doctor rocks. He simply made a joke that he "never has had that thrown at him...in his office anyways" and then went back to the check up. I on the other hand could not stop laughing.

The rest of the check up went smoothly as both boys settled in to watch the Thomas movie. With the exception of low blood pressure I got out of there with a clean bill of health and only a shred of my dignity stripped away.

Things Kids Say

I am terrible for laughing when trying to scold my oldest son. He is almost three and the reasoning behind what he does is out there, to say the least. It is his uncandid answers and honesty that bring much needed comedic relief ecspecially when he has done something that makes me want to cry (or scream). Case in point . . .

This evening when I put my son to bed he laid down and stayed up in the room being unusually quiet. Every other night since he could talk he calls us, gets out of bed to come and ask a question or discuss a 'pressing issue'. So after about 20 minutes of silence an alarm is going off in my head, "What is he doing so quietly. I know he just didn't lay down and sleep". I decide to head upstairs to check on him and as I turn the corner there he is, covered in sunscreen. It is on the walls, his feet and pj's. I head up into the bedroom and there on my dark wood floor is a pile of sunscreen that has been smeared like finger paint and a trail leading away from it. As I put my hand on the bed to lean into investigate further I am met with a big glob of wet sunscreen oozing between my fingers.

 At first I am mad. Waterproof sunscreen all over the floor, in the grooves of the hardwood, the walls, the carpet on the stairs. . . did I mention it is waterproof? I gave him a time out and then go into confront him. . .
Me "Didn't you know what you where doing was wrong?"
Him  "Yup but I kept squirting and squirting?" (Insert my giggling here but trying to look stern)
Me "But why would you do that when you know you shouldn't?"
Him "Because I squirted it on the bed. . . and the floor. . . and on my hands. I squirted it everywhere!"
At this point I am crying laughing! How do you punish this line of reasoning? It is everywhere but totally how children think.

Needless to say I am sure this won't be the end of the sunscreen messes!

Ta-Da

Quite often when my son is upset over something that has broken to cheer him up after I fix it I say "Ta-Da". My son has picked up on this and started doing it. Picture a 2 year old yelling "Ta-Da as he stretches his arms out over what ever he is 'Ta-Da'-ing like Vana White.  Sometimes it is a good 'Ta-Da'. . . sometimes not so good!

"Mom, mom come here!" I enter the kitchen, see half a conatainer of milk on the floor. "Ta-Da" he screams . . . not a good 'Ta-Da'.

My son cleans up his crayons that are scattered everywhere. "Ta-Da". . . good 'Ta-Da'.

He stands on the edge of the tub and pees into the bath I have just drawn for his brother "Ta-Da" . . . not so good.

He stands on his dirty diaper on the 'filling' squirts out, he yells "Ta-Da". . . easy Vana White that wasn't a good 'Ta-Da'.

He brings me my cell phone when it is ringing "Ta-Da". . . sweet 'Ta-Da'.

He whips off his pants and diaper and runs around the house naked right before we are heading out the door "Ta-Da" he yells as he streaks me. . .funny 'Ta-Da'.

More often then not it isn't a good "Ta-Da' but let me tell you it is so funny I think he now uses it to get a laugh instead of getting into trouble. I am sure he thinks 'I am going to get into trouble so I will make her laugh'. He proceeds to make me laugh then he thinks 'Ta-Da I just got my self out of trouble'. Well played my love!

Things My Son Says

With a toddler there is always something new they are coming up with. In an ongoing post this is a few highlights from the past few days. . .

After getting dressed I asked my son "How does mommy look?". I was not really expecting an answer let alone an opinion, but this is what answer I received, "You should wear a black shirt to match, this (pointing to my black cardigan) and these (pointing to my black jeans). That would look good". He smiled and walked off. Fashionista?

"I don't have boobies I have nipples". Where the heck did he come up with that.

"When I get married I want to be messy like Daddy." Good lord, I pity his wife-to-be.

"I probably will get snow in my shoes so I actually should wear boots." Probably? Actually? You are 2 1/2, who uses these words?

"Mom, will you hold me?" When he wants to be hugged.

"If I eat all my lunch I can have this cookie." He says this pointing to a cookie he has helped himself to and knows he isn't supposed to have. He has learned the art of negation.

He sleeps with some of his Thomas and Friends train engines every night. Two nights ago as he was fidgeting around when he was supposed to going to bed, he says "If James doesn't go to sleep I am going to take his buffers away and put them where he can't reach them." Do you think he has heard a similar threat before?

Things My Son Says

My son who is 2 1/2 always has something funny to say, but in the past few days he has had some hilarious ones . . .

"This train table is a catastrophe" (upon seeing his train tracks all knocked over, courtesy of himself)

"This looks perfect" (holding up paint swatches against the wall)

"Oh mom this oatmeal is delightful" (enough said)

"This kid brought me something" (pointing over his shoulder at a friend of mine, also my age, that brought him a present)

"Dad I really want a Range Rover" (he may have had a little help with that one)

The fun never ends!